Mind over matter is a necessary skill of human survival fuels endurance and resilience, allowing us to achieve incredible feats.
However, while the human body can handle a lot, we’re not meant to live in a perpetual state of survival mode — and survival mode is not reserved for living in the wilderness being chased by predators.
Eventually, we will fall ill and crash. And those crashes can cause serious damage that, in some cases, demand full time recovery.
Gabor Maté’s book When the Body Says No is a scientific deep dive into how the mind and body connect. It illuminates how our emotional and mental health manifest as physical ailments and symptoms — and sometimes, a fatal diagnoses.
Mate is a Hungarian-Canadian physician renowned his expertise on trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development. His book promotes healing, learning and listening to your body when it’s trying to tell us something is wrong. And that change is needed.
Here are 5 key takeaways.
1. Long-term stress & emotional repression causes illness
The idealogical roots of our modern day society heavily favoured logic, control and, as mentioned earlier, mind over matter. This is also known as the mind-body split or mind-body dualism, popularized by Renee Descartes.
However, burying emotions and trying to rationalize away our struggles can cause a lot of problems.
Maté argues that unacknowledged emotional stress—especially repressed anger, grief, or trauma—can compromise the immune system and contribute to diseases like cancer, ALS, multiple sclerosis, and autoimmune disorders.
The body often “says no” when the mind won’t, expressing stress through physical symptoms or illness. Culturally, we need to learn how to adopt a “Listen to your body” mindset over “Mind over matter” or “Rest is for the weak”.
2. People-pleasing & poor boundaries can compromise health
Many of Maté’s patients with serious illnesses shared a common trait: difficulty saying no and an overwhelming need to meet others’ expectations.
When these types of people do say no and are not able to meet other’s expectations, or an impossibly high self-set standards, the resulting discomfort, guilt and shame can be unbearable.
This is especially so if they don’t have effective emotional-processing skills or healthy coping mechanisms.
This self-sacrificing behaviour, often encouraged by culture or upbringing, leads to chronic, internal stress that wears down the body. It may not necessarily manifest as a full on panic attack or visible freak out but rather an underlying, restless inner hum.
3. Early childhood experiences develop stress responses
“Forget the past” or “Don’t look back” are extremely common sayings, often used to inspire and motivate.
To an extent, this is helpful advice. However, it’s critical to revisit the past to truly understand how and why we operate the way that we do.
The past carries invaluable truths that are critical to how see ourselves, manage our lives and why we are where we are at any point in our lives. It can make us or break us (a bit of both, usually).
Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as abuse, neglect or emotional suppression, teach children to disconnect from their feelings to gain love or avoid conflict, put simply.
On the opposite side, it can also teach children to become overreactive, temperamental and pine for attention in overt, at times unsettling, displays of extreme emotion.
Either way, this leads to emotional disconnection in adulthood, which can make the body more vulnerable to illness due to the accumulative stress — and bring on mental health disorders and other critical illnesses.
Poor emotional regulation is exhausting. However, it is possible to develop a closer relationship with that part of ourselves and learn constructive ways to express or fulfil our emotional needs.
4. Understanding the mind-body connection is key
Maté is a heavy proponent against traditional medical models that separates mind and body. He advocates for a biopsychosocial approach, emphasizing that psychological and emotional health are inseparable from physical health.
It may seem like an obvious concept. However, many medical practices and schools still neglect the extent of our past, lifestyle and trauma dictate how well we function physically.
No matter how much coffee you drink, how consistently you exercise and how healthy you eat, emotional dysfunction, high-stress environments and unresolved trauma will catch up with our physical health.
Often, this results in severe burnout that will force us to slow down or stop entirely. The trick is to hear out signals that things are off and take care of ourselves right then and there. Preventative medicine is always preferable to rigorous treatment.
5. Healing begins with awareness & honesty
Recognizing and validating one’s own emotions and experience are essential to preventing or healing illness.
Healing, just as with burnout and other illnesses, is also not strictly a physical process. It’s emotional, relational, and psychological.
Identifying and working on changing patterns, attitudes and behaviours is necessary to adapting to a healthier and more sustainable way of being.
This feel very off-putting — especially when our learned coping mechanisms and communication styles once felt like the right approach to living a satisfying and fulfilling life.
Letting go of habits that once served us takes work. And it’s worth it. We heavily recommend speaking with a mental health professional. Click here for a comprehensive list of mental health resources across Canada.
Take the time to discover new parts of yourself — parts of yourself that have effective boundaries, that has realistic expectations and is authentic.
What is your favourite takeaway? Let us know in the comments!
For more of our recommended reads, click here.
