“Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s also about listening to the tone, speed, and volume of the voice.”
The term emotional intelligence is used more frequently and confidently than ever before, even when it may not be fully understood.
In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves give a concrete explanation of EQ, how it determines success and tools to improve your personal EQ skills.
Here are 5 key takeaways:
1. What is Emotional Intelligence?
EQ is the ability to identify and understand emotions within ourselves and others. This insight assists us in effectively managing our responses and relationships.
Research outlined in EQ 2.0 shows that 58% of performance in most jobs is determined by EQ — and that those with higher EQs tend to be higher paid.
The neural signals in our brains move through the emotional center (limbic system) before it reaches the logic center (pre-frontal cortex). This is why it can be difficult to delay emotional impulse.
It’s all about learning how to delay our response, identify our emotions, asses the situation as a whole and allow our reasoning to enter the conversation.
2. Self-awareness & Emotional Ripples
Self-awareness goes beyond knowing your triggers, pet peeves and pleasures. It means being able to identify and pin point our current emotions as well as patterns we exhibit.
Self-awareness also means seeing how our behaviour and actions impact the people and situations around us, for better or worse.
Any type of reaction creates an emotional ripple. Some can be soft and gentle, firm and assertive or aggressive and damaging.
Observing yourself and preemptively considering the ripple effect of your response can work in your favour. It allows you to react in a way you feel is the best possible at any given moment.
3. Self-management & Self-talk
Self-management is when we use emotional awareness to dictate what we say and do with intention.
It’s what help us sculpt and reframe our immediate reponses in a positive way. Creating a delay allows us to reel in our emotions and logically consider what type of action to take, if any at all.
This also helps teach us patience in fulfilling our immediate needs in favour of longer-term goals. Strong self-management improves how we handle adversity or confrontations with greater communication, clarity and proactivity.
On that thread, try to catch negative inward dialogue about yourself and others. Negative inner talk can create insecurity, self-doubt and pent-up frustration within ourselves that is sure to explode out.
Thinking of others in a perpetually negative way also can create false and one-sided narratives that point blame outwards. This can create distrust and difficulty developing new, meaningful relationships.
4. Social Awareness & Life-long Learning
Social awareness is our ability to accurately assess the emotions of those around us and understand what they’re experiencing.
Building greater social awareness is a humbling and challenging skill. This is because we need to be willing to listen to and understand others’ perspectives, even if they are starkly differ from yours.
To build social awareness, we must be fully present, listen and observe both our own reactions and that of the people we engage with.
It requires turning down the volume of our self-talk, give the other person our full attention and be willing to consider their point of view.
This is an invaluable skill that is often shoved aside in favour of bravado and pride. It is necessary for effective mediation, conflict management and, quite frankly, developing greater compassion and acceptance of difference across the human condition.
5. Relationship Management & Clear Communication
Relationship management is the when we apply emotional awareness of ourselves and others to effectively manage relationships.
This includes open communication, honesty without insult, active listening, problem-solving and forging bonds. It demands that we respect the feelings and experiences of others, even if we are misaligned and don’t agree.
At the same time, it means expressing your truth and experience as well without letting someone else abuse or manipulate your willingness to understand.
Avoid giving mixed signals or repressing yourself. It will only create confusion, resentment and tensions — this is especially for those with people-pleasing tendencies.
On the flip side, being overly reactive and intense can cause others to shutdown and lead to very harmful communication that may permanently scar a relationship.
Overall, exercising these skills help is learn to emotionally regulate and conduct ourselves with class even in the most stressful situations.
Which takeaway was your favourite? What does EQ mean to you?
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